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Ep 19 Transcript
We acknowledge the Yuggera and Kaurna nations as traditional custodians of the land on which we work, live and learn, and their continuing connection with the land waters and community.
We pay our respects to them and their elders past and present.
All content related to this program is for general informational purposes only and contains stories and discussions around mental health that may be disturbing to some listeners.
If you’re concerned about yourself or someone you know, please seek professional individual advice and support.
More details are contained in our show.
Notes, ladies and gentlemen, fits you know now we felt like hamsters on a wheel rats on a treadmill barely getting through our days because we’d rather be doing something else, but it doesn’t have to be like this now.
Today I give new technology that will take out.
All of the guesswork may I present the value drawn 2000.
Program by the finest minds we could find, you just answer a few simple questions and it tells you exactly what you should aspire to in life as the inventor of this wonderful piece of technology.
Allow me to demonstrate with my data.
Thank you for choosing value from 2000.
We will now determine your perfect career based on your values.
Oh, you don’t?
I can help with that answer these questions by talking into the microphone.
Just like I’m your best friend.
Please rate this statement on a scale of 1 to 10.
How important is it that you never break the rules that you need a properly?
Missing right in there with the hard ones 1st 10.
It is very important that I stick to the rules.
How important is it that you are recognized as a major player in what you do and that other people turn to you for advice?
Oh well, you know it’s kind of important, but I don’t want people to think I’m egotistical or anything.
Please wait from one to 10.
Six, I suppose, but.
How important is it for you to be seen as an authority to be making the captains picks, shall we say?
Sounds like a bit of a loaded question.
Please rate from one to 10.
Five but again.
How important are the pleasures of life?
Do you want to be spoiled and pampered?
Pretty important actually.
Please wait from 1/2.
How important is following tradition and the customs imparted to you?
Well, I like to think.
Of myself as a bit.
Of a trailblazer so too.
How important is it to forgive people who have hurt you and see the good in them?
And not an easy.
They fight from one to 10 zero.
A feature will be a rush.
How ambitious are you when it comes to getting what you want?
Well value, turn your here so I’d have to say 10.
How important is it to be polite to others at all times and be known as the respectful 1?
A definite 11 on that one.
Does not compute please right from one to 10.
Let’s say 5.
Sometimes you need to drop the politeness.
An important is it to respond to the needs of others and so forth.
The people you know.
A different tank.
How much do you nurture the people around you and care for their well being?
I’d like to think I’m pretty good, let’s say 8.
For good measure.
Completing W Trump 2000.
Dollars magic will have my reporting edgy.
Have you gone? 2000 has your results you sometimes have trouble being honest.
Come and open to looking out.
For your own best interests before others.
So like responses were made up, obviously.
And you lack the imagination and get out and go only leader.
Now you’re getting personal.
Value from 2000 calculates you will be most happy enable that does not require you do think.
There seems to be a few bugs.
In the system, right?
If there’s one thing you should not do.
Maybe this was?
A silly idea to started.
It is the add in ring 4.
I’m just going to.
Go away, think about what’s really important to me.
I think I took a test similar to that water.
Was at school and failed.
Hello everybody loves a quiz you.
Know sometimes it’s nice to get a little bit of directional support.
From other people.
But the in the end it’s only ourselves will know if that support really aligns with us and send us in the direction we want to go.
But we’re only going to know if it’s really right for us.
Once we’re in touch with our own values, this is re frame of mind.
The broadcast that cuts through the platitude and gets to the core of living authentically, challenging our assumptions and improving mental health with the guidance of good science, philosophy and learning from other people lived experiences.
And where your hosts Louise Pool and Andy Leroy.
Feeling worthy is shaping up to be a process instead of destination leaves.
It’s the journey.
It’s the journey, yeah?
And before we go, all three word slogan you know the.
One hashtag good vibes only.
Maybe we should have a look at what we mean.
By that yeah OK, so at this stage in our story, in re frame of mind season one, we’ve come a long way from the vulnerability of, you know, careers, end and acute grief.
Yeah, with each of the people we’ve spoken to along the way, we’ve listened to their story and found that what they learned from their experience is something we can also apply to our own experience to help us get back on our pathway.
So when we say that dealing with is a process, what we mean by that is that it’s not just like a level in the game of life that you crack and move on from you.
I don’t keep working at it.
You mean that I can’t just level up my anthill in worthiness and by attacking other anthills around?
Now you can’t bring.
A new team of attackers and attack that level and puff gone like you’ve got to actually keep doing that.
Dan, I know box.
You stay in.
Contrast with it sucks.
You don’t get XP for the amount of tasks you achieve and eventually.
Ding Ding worthy.
No, no $5 49ers skip the level. Imagine if.
You could level up worthiness just by doing something in the Google Play Store.
So much easier.
Love it, but you know, once you learn how to affirm worthiness for yourself, you can continue to find ways to.
Yeah it might.
Be violation through positive feedback or accepting those compliments.
We find it so hard to honestly accept.
All these things.
Add up to filming useful beliefs and opinions of ourselves to start exploring new areas outside of our comfort zones.
In the last episode we spoke to Australia number one, small business author Andrew Griffiths, who reinforced our theory that.
Don’t exist in a vacuum, which I’m sure most people have experienced after leaving a training session at work, for example.
Yeah, everything feels empowering in that training room and once you hit the floor again, it’s like what you experience with some kind of fantasy.
And our chat with Andrew uncovered the uncomfortable fact that turned the conference to charge where your worth in business.
You also have to feel worthy as a person.
So we don’t exist.
In a vacuum, I know, I know.
I mean, you know I’d like to charge a.
$1,000,000 but I.
Don’t feel like I deserve it.
Yeah, we’re pretty sure that this also applies if you’re working as an employee.
And are seeking that pay right?
He spent first 18 years of my life being told that I was worthless, and the rest of my life proving that I’m wasn’t, and I learned at a very young age to believe in myself and to back myself.
I’ve gotta reframe situations rather than keep telling that old broken story about my mother abandoned me.
You know, she’s a cause of all my problems, right?
Bra I think I have a deep understanding and appreciation of the concept of empathy to a large degree, but it doesn’t mean that I lack the strength of character to put an end to a situation that is wrong in my view.
So you might not be aware, or maybe you are that the interview excerpts that you hear in re frame of mind are being used to highlight the Nuggets of information that our guests have shared with us.
Full of the views are available in their original structure. You can get over to patreon.com/re frame of mind for that.
We love a plug but stick with us here too, because what we managed to do after interviewing all of our guests was to log those themes of every interview.
And that is where it really became interesting for us.
Yeah, would solar cells short believe it?
Or not, when you first started planning this bodyguard.
Course we do.
We plan for 10 episodes, each with their own little thing to.
Explore and after we looked at all the themes from the interviews that we did, 10 episodes easily became 42 and.
That has since become more.
Because there were so many more themes that naturally appeared as a result of our conversations.
And one of those themes is that of values.
Especially the importance of knowing our values.
It was something that started to emerge really clearly with the people we were talking to.
Same time we were talking at.
Andrew Griffiths, but.
He really solidified this for us when he told us that he carries his around with him everyday to remind him of who he is and why he.
Makes the choices he makes.
I’m a little kind of framework that I have and I kind of carry it around with me where I’ve got my own little 10 frameworks for that and I just kind of let me just bring them up simply again because of that whole concept of what are my values to live for.
I love it.
It was so good for me to really have it in a visual format so that I can use it.
Very often and it’s about being wise in that to me is about the greatness of life and being slower to judge and learning from my experiences in life.
So I I try to be wiser as I get older, be kind is very important to me that kindness, you know.
I remember people that were really kind to me when I was younger in a very.
Difficult space that had a profound effect on my life and they were kind just to be kind, not because of any other reason be pres.
And I think we live in such a distracted world. I really pride myself in being fully present and for whatever I’m doing, I’m there 100% and I really make the most of situations and engagements like my partner should last.
Wherever we go, everyone knows me, you know not because I’m a famous writer.
They know me because I talked to everyone I say hello to people I.
I wander around the markets and everyone comes up and gives me something, some fruit or this or that.
Everyone knows me and it’s because I’m fully present when I engage with people being understanding that that whole concept will put yourself in the shoes of others.
Is it a great value that I love to?
Goodbye be connected and that value is again about staying connected with those in my life that mean a lot to me and making sure that I’m there for them when they need me.
Be strong and what I mean by that is be able to make those strong calls.
Those strong decisions do the stuff that’s hard that I don’t want to do, but I need to be strong.
Be better that whole concept of of how can I keep getting better at what it is that I’m doing and I get 55.
I’m feel like I’m only just beginning in my journey of what I’m doing, so be better is always there being natural and what I mean by that is embrace nature.
Nature is a big part of my life and I love going to wild places and seeing wild animals and my big.
Fascination and curiosity is about all things living and I immersed myself in in that.
Great deal and the last one is this funny one.
It’s it’s called La La love and I have a little dog who’s just is this total unconditional love and and and I she reminds me about this joy of unconditional love so there might end values and and you know again I I don’t worry that some of my go out a bit corny or it’s this or not.
They’re my things that I try and.
Live my life too and just even having them written out.
Like that in.
A little document just I don’t know.
It just kind of helps keep me on track.
Queensland Australian of the Year.
Danish Palo panel.
We spoke to an episode 2 of this series identified and connected with his personal values on his journey to becoming a doctor.
I spend that time remaining so for one of the things I believe was to think and write down.
Actually what I want to stand for as a person.
And those were things like loyalty and perseverance.
I’m keeping and integrity and all these things are good at list of things that are.
Important to me.
And and these are things that are who I am about.
So now that’s been an important part as well, and I will remind myself that.
Every single day because.
No, you need to.
You need to know what you stand for.
If you have it written down, if you have a list of at least five things when you navigate your day to day life, you can stop and check.
Wait, is this, uh, this convo with my values and if it’s not then you need.
To move on.
Associate Professor Kimberly Norris from the University of Tasmania.
We love Kimberly.
We love you, Kimberly.
Had some great tips to help us on our way in Episode 3 and she’s also researched people behavior as they stay and work in Antarctica.
Yeah, she gave an interesting perspective on the importance of our values when faced with the impact of an environment that isolators from our Community.
Ring any bells for a similar known Antarctic experience of being isolated?
For a while.
Second, there is one.
Very important difference that you’ve already alluded to, and that’s the fact that people who live and work in Antarctica do so voluntarily, so they actually have a degree of choice over this because there is that choice element more often than not, they’ve actually spent.
Many months, if not even years preparing for that time away.
So they’ve had a lot of time to work on their own mental health and well being to reflect on their goals and their priorities while they’re down there and to play.
Then to plan what they intend to do with any down time they might have.
In contrast, people who are experiencing enforced lockdowns, and particularly somewhat unexpected long downs, are faced with a much more unpredictable situation, and so in terms of the best strategies.
We can draw based on other populations based on research we’ve conducted with.
People who have.
Similar but not the same experiences are these the first being, and I recognize it is so much easier to say than do this.
But it’s taking control over things that we can, and letting go of control over things that we can’t.
So when I talk about taking control, what I mean is within the things that remain under your.
We caught the.
Sphere of influence.
So things that you can directly.
Influence the outcome of make choices, so make a decision about what you might choose.
To do during this time have a sense of achievement built into that.
So build smaller goals.
Ideally that I really personally meaningful to you so they align with your value system.
They have that sense of purpose, and when you achieve them recognizing that sense of achievement, because when we talk.
About this thing called resilience, and I recognize that’s a word.
Word that gets thrown around a lot now, but essentially, regardless of what you mean by resilience, whether you think it’s the ability to cope with challenges, whether you think it’s the ability to bounce back after challenges, what we do know is that people who have an understanding, appreciation, or acceptance that their experience.
Both served a purpose, but also had meaning, so there was a sense of purpose and meaning.
These are the people who are most likely.
To be resilient.
So rather than focusing on the loss of what I can’t do, if we can focus on what we can do that actually allows for a sense of achievement, purpose, meaning and better coping as a result.
How do you think people could go about trying to find that sense of purpose for themselves?
I mean, it’s obviously based on their individual values, but if they’ve not put any thought into what their own values are before.
Absolutely, and I think the fact that you’ve named that up is one of the challenges that we face given these unexpected lockdowns.
Most of the time, most people have such a busy life that they’re constantly going from one thing to another that there’s really not the space to think about.
What are my values?
What is important to me and how well does my behavior align with those values?
So if that does apply to people?
You have not had the opportunity to really connect with your personal values.
I’d actually suggest that becomes one of the goals.
One of the activities that you undertake during this time because when we sit and think about this, it’s actually much harder than it sounds.
So you know.
It it sounds all very well and.
Good, let’s let’s you know.
Here are my values.
For values party.
Yeah, that’s right, exactly right.
But often when you say to.
Someone talk to me about your values that you.
Can have quite a long pause, quite a long.
Silence because it.
Then we’re so busy with just surviving that often we don’t dedicate that energy to thriving.
There can be lots of different.
Ways to think about.
Values and it could be, for example, thinking about someone you really admire and respect.
What is it that you admire and respect about them and thinking about?
Whether that’s something you would like to adopt in your own life.
It could be.
About times you’ve been really, really proud of yourself.
You’ve recognized that you’ve done something well, or you’ve really taken pride in the outcome.
Of a party.
Killer action, what was that and why were you so proud?
But even because it, it can be so hard.
Like you said, you know it’s not like we can just head to our values party.
And pick and choose what?
They you can do is that there are a range of resources and including a values checklist and you can find these on the.
Internet, be careful what you look.
At how her?
But that that’s exactly right, but it’s.
Family felt around.
A really nice place to start because what it does is it gives you a whole raft of different values that people often endorse around the world and you can go through and say yes, no.
Hello yes yes no maybe.
And it really is just if you like that stimulus that that trigger to think about.
Well, here are some ideas and once you start thinking about yes, no, yes no.
You will actually also find that you might even come up with others that aren’t on that values checklist, but actually are really important to you.
How important is it to?
I suppose it is important.
I’m gonna answer my own question in your in your in looking at the values checklist to actually be honest with what you’re answering, rather than.
Here’s a bunch of things that I should care about instead of.
That’s what I actually care about.
Absolutely, and this is the thing that when you think about values, when you think about anything.
If you’re genuinely wanting to improve your quality of life.
If you’re genuinely wanting to improve your well being, your mental health, your general, everyday experience, and essentially shift.
From surviving to thriving, it does require that level of honesty and that can be uncomfortable to.
Sit with that.
Can be really, really difficult to say.
Well, like as you mentioned, I like, I feel like I should be doing this or I wish I did that, whereas where I actually sit and that’s why I would, you know often suggest to people that this is actually quite a private activity, at least to start with so that you can give yourself a safe space to explore the realities of who you are and what is important to you.
Without worrying about that judgment or or what we call that self presentation bias in otherwise otherwise.
It’s wanting to look good in case other people think badly of us.
It seems like this is something that really should be taught to us from a young age where if we’re living for so long on autopilot and just doing what we need to do to get through life and suddenly have this opportunity to get to know ourselves on a deeper level, is there a chance that maybe we pick up on some things that we’ve been?
Doing that, we don’t.
Like anymore or some circumstances we’re in.
That we really.
Now I don’t want to be in.
Absolutely, and I think you’ve said some really important things there.
This actually seems pretty fundamental to having a good life.
So, so why is it that we, you know, in this circumstance we get to adulthood before we even hear about this?
Well, why is this not?
For example, part of Accor health curriculum that people are exposed to?
Because we do know that the earlier people start engaging in this type of thought processes.
These types of reflection activities.
The more likely they are to embed that as part of their routine, so this is something they routinely will.
Make time for ’cause.
Remember, people often don’t find time, so you make the time to do that.
But more importantly, it actually brings us to this issue of self reflection more generally.
So self reflection is about deliberately creating that space to think about what is working for me and why.
And how can I keep making the most.
Of that and what isn’t working for me, it maybe it used to and obviously it did on some level.
That’s why I’m doing it, but if it’s not working for me, why do I keep doing it and what could I replace it with?
’cause remember as humans those neural circuits in our brains as adult.
They don’t just break, they don’t just fall away.
They have to be replaced and so this idea of self reflection as a way of keeping ourselves healthy as a type of exercise for our well being is something that I really think would be wonderful if we could.
Use for example, given pandemic as a stimulus to say this is the norm.
This is part of how we keep ourselves well.
And as you’d expect, Kimberly is also taking time out to identify her own values.
Kimberly, what are your?
Values is that too personal to ask?
No, at least not I.
I’m very, very happy and and obviously I have the privilege of the training I do and so have had lots of opportunities and continue to reflect on my values.
So I my values primarily stem from a belief that all people are worthy and all people are there for.
Needing and should have ready access to whatever needs and resources are available.
To live the most fulfilling, personally fulfilling life for them and that fulfillment is defined by them and for them it’s not my job to identify what’s fulfilling or what’s right for anybody else, and similarly that the another value for me is to appreciate everything.
That that I have are whether that be achievements, whether that be the important people in my life, whether that be my chickens, whatever it might be, but.
Really, giving myself permission to be in the moment because you’ll never have that moment again.
So what I find from those core values is I have a range of other values so you can see how much time I’ve spent on this.
I have my base values, then I have my.
2nd order values.
And on and on and on we go.
I can already see the infographic appearing in.
Exactly, and I do.
I haven’t envisioned life.
But but for me, they they’re the.
Ones that fundamental.
Is so very worthy and so very valuable and so that shapes the way I think that shapes the way our act and it shapes.
Why I do what I do, whether it be in my research sear, whether it be in my teaching and training sphere, whether it be my clinical psychology sphere.
It’s all designed to maximize human health.
Well being and performance.
Do you try and make every decision with those in mind?
If even the small decisions?
Even the small decisions obviously I won’t spend as much time or energy and remembering.
I’ve been doing this for so long that my values are so front and center with everything that I don’t have to dig down for them, so it’s become much more automatic, but absolutely my decisions, and even in terms of I, I am in a position where I’m able to make choices around, for example, foods that don’t.
Always have to be driven by cost, so I will look at foods that are supporting people too, so in supporting traditional owners of lands of First Nations, peoples of indigenous people to help them reclaim their rights.
I will make decision.
Fans are on food that engage in positive work behavior policies.
Those those types of things.
So it might seem small, but every small action from every person can make such an incredible difference.
So when we met well being educator, mindfulness teacher and laughter yoga leader Annie Harvey.
She not only shared her values with us, but she threw down the gauntlet.
I didn’t know what my values were at the age of 50.
Someone asked me on a training course and I couldn’t answer the question, so I went down that kind of rabbit hole.
Studying that how?
Did you run define those values for yourself?
There’s a few ways that I was taught a lot of it is based around the work of Russ Harris and for example, and you can do this as your homework, so if you were at.
Your, let’s say your 85th birthday and you chose two of your favorite people in the world to stand up and talk about you.
What would they say?
And often you’ll look at that piece of paper and think those are actually those are your values.
So what people are reporting about how you’ve lived, your life will be your values and then.
Also the activity back then was well, I’d actually like them to be saying this is this about me, so I’m not actually living life aligned with my values at the moment.
How can I make those changes?
So that was a big thing for me to notice that and also looking at character strengths. So there’s a great scientific study from positive psychologists based on our 24 strength of character that we all have.
And there’s a really great free website, takes about 10 or 15 minutes of survey and it comes.
Up with your.
List of 24 in your unique.
Order so you would have like your top five and mine our love of learning curiosity.
The kindness, leadership and social intelligence so and they.
I do it every two years.
This survey and you can’t trick it ’cause it comes up with the same answers every time.
But the top five sometimes are slightly in a different order, and you can overuse your strength.
So that was really fascinating for me.
So my last my I don’t call it.
I try not to call it a weakness. My last strength #24 is self regulation, so I’m really good at regulating my emotions, but really quite bad at regulating my spending.
And so if you look at curiosity and love of learning as my top strengths, it means I want to learn and I want to read books or.
Time, but I can’t regulate my Amazon pay now.
Orange button that comes up every time I look at an audio book for example.
So I have to work on increasing my self regulation skills around spending so you can overuse your strength so have quite a lot of fun with those on a daily basis.
Your values and strengths.
But again, if I asked you, would you know what?
Put you on the spot.
Yeah, well, I suppose it’s really to create value and connect.
I think tell stories, those things, the things that matter to me.
Great, I don’t think I’ve defined that action.
And then you’re doing it every day.
I don’t think I’ve defined that.
Actually enough now.
Now that you’ve you’ve pointed out there.
They’re just things that come to mind, but to actually have.
Kind of a.
Set written down that I really think about is definitely homework worth pursuing.
Yeah, quite often the things you’re angry about, the things that are opposing your values, which I really like as well.
On that score, is that something that you find that you work out every day?
Is there something that you do a little bit of everyday into to strengthen that muscle to to find the.
Place that you want to be in.
And when I’m feeling unsettled it’s normally ’cause I’m doing something that’s not aligned with my values.
News, but also the strength side of it is so if you have to have a difficult conversation, for example, I will try and use my core strengths to help with that difficult conversation.
So yeah, I definitely keep in front of mind all the time.
So this conversation.
About finding our values and defining our values and I think.
We need to preface it with a conversation about buzzwords, because we’re the first to takedown toxic positivity and hashtag.
Good vibes only.
But sometimes values is a bit of a buzz word.
Yeah, I agree.
It’s how people use the terms, I think because it’s become more apparent.
I think in the age of social media where we’ll see a graphic with, you know.
Some words or phrases and people will share them at a high rate and go.
Oh, that’s an amazing concept.
It’s amazing idea, but we never really hear the depths of what’s actually being discussed it.
Then it becomes like one of those toxic positivity slogans.
I mean Brené Brown.
Lover, lover work but.
Oh yeah, yeah, she’s great.
I mean I, I do sometimes wonder if when we see Brené Brown stuff being shared, particularly on LinkedIn, if anybody really means what they’re sharing when it comes to vulnerability, or if that’s just become.
A buzzword as well, so I think she talks about values as well, so yeah.
Oh, she does.
And for anyone that’s actually watched any of her talks or any of her videos she goes into great depth about all this kind of stuff and is truly valuable stuff that she’s sharing because you know when she talks about leaning into vulnerability.
It’s not about wearing your heart on his sleeve and kind of worrying as a badge of honor.
It’s actually saying, OK, well, this is outside of my comfort zone.
Or in terms that derricks used in a past episode, you know this is something that makes me feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t do it anyway.
It’s even pushing past those platitudes of just do it, or you know, feel the fear and do it anyway, because they’ve become slogans without actually acknowledging.
The depth of what is being said underneath that.
And you know what, we always say, you know you don’t exist in a vacuum.
It would be easy to you know, the mental health of it all in this conversation, because we, I think we’re very big on talking about how we can navigate our mental health in terms of the real world that we live in.
And so that’s why we don’t live in a vacuum.
Is one of our favorite messages because, you know?
My bag will be full if we did.
In this conversation about values that the I mean that the word the term would be pure, it would mean what we said it would mean when we discussed having values it we would all have the same interpretation of that.
But because we don’t live in the vacuum, we don’t all have the same interpretation of that, so I suppose the.
The mental health of this is when we talk about getting down to understanding the importance of knowing your values.
It’s really about looking at it genuinely and honestly well with yourself.
That’s actually really crucial, because these things I think need to be taken probably, at least in the first instance, I reckon.
By yourself, you know, sit down with these questionnaires and really be honest with yourself because there’s nobody else in the room to judge you other than yourself so you know if you’re starting to feel like you’re judging yourself for valuing something in particular.
Just be honest with yourself and let user value that because it.
Is important to you.
You don’t have to tell anybody what.
Any of these things?
Are was it’s been nice of our guests to share it with us, and you know, we’re we’re happy to share it with you, but you don’t have to share it with anybody.
Though I think there is value in sharing it with people as well.
When you feel comfortable when you’ve kind of worked out what it is, because you know if you’re having a conversation with somebody or trying to.
So she ate something within a friendship or a relationship bit personal business.
If somebody understands where you’re coming from from your values, then it it takes away all of that confusion, because suddenly if they can see that you’re acting a certain way, they might think, oh, actually, it’s really important that Andy gets his head space so that he can actually.
Feel like he’s working efficiently.
You know that’s why he gets angry when people barging and start talking to him without any notice because.
That’s why he gets angry when Louise starts talking to him.
Well, you know, like.
It’s it’s that thing.
Of we’ve all got our own things right, and there are things that drive us so I really value solitude.
But that doesn’t mean that I always want to be alone and it doesn’t mean that I valued loneliness.
It means that I like my own company and that I do actually have times.
In any given week.
Where I really value being alone and just doing my own thing, because that means that I can recharge myself and be available for other people when they’re around so.
So you know when and he asked me what my values were in that interview piece.
Just heard I generally struggled to name any.
Yeah, yeah, well it’s not something that we kind of never really taught to focus on. You know it’s something that we if we’re lucky we come across someone who speaks about the OR you know, for me it was what year is it now it’s 2022 so it’s.
Probably about almost 25 years ago.
I know it is easy to forget 2022.
I know it is 2022, but it’s almost 25 years ago now that I first came across this concept of values. You know, Annie Harvey in?
The interview he had with.
Her told us.
That you know she had asked this question when she was 50 and didn’t have a clue some right.
So we’ve got 25 years. Suddenly Harvey maybe, but that’s conceptually did I actually continue to keep those values in front of me like?
Andrew Griffiths no.
And that I think for me, is where sometimes I get caught up in situations that I don’t really feel comfortable in because.
I’m not really expressing what’s important to me.
Comes back to what I was sort of saying about.
How this whole thing is not a destination, we get to solo people into these things and think, OK, nobody is down or good, but they need to keep them present like Andrew doesn’t Kimberly does, so that of course we we are run by our values, but sometimes we’ll come up against a situation we think, oh God, that I could really, really strange to them while they act so so lunch to that.
And that kind of comes back to.
Well, there’s a value there that he’s actually gone against, either with someone behavior or a situation that you’re not comfortable in, or something like that.
Where I’m invited to parties.
For example, I get kind of nervous because I know there’s a lot of energy I need to invest into into being social.
You know, it’s not that I’m antisocial, but it does take energy to do that.
Normally the one that kind of finds someone to speak to you and then spend the evening speaking to them.
Speaks to the cat.
A couple of people now don’t speak to people.
OK, add New Years.
We had people over for me and I love having people over for New year.
I love the energy of New Year.
They’re all dancers though, like not professional dancers.
They’re just like a boogie on the dance floor so you know, Chris had the the DJ equipment.
Been up here and it was great.
The smoke and mirrors and all that kind of stuff, but I actually sat on our back deck and spoke to one of our guests for most of the evening and people said that already didn’t see Danny.
What did you dance?
But I wanted answer like I’ve never been someone who just left.
To go out and cut up a dance floor, yeah well, that might look odd.
And also it might look like I’m not appreciative of the effort that’s been put into create that environment.
I really appreciated it because it had that party atmosphere and that’s what I enjoyed about it, not the fact that there was a dance floor there for minute.
’cause I I don’t know.
I just feel very self conscious when I dance and stuff in the past that’s involved.
Quite a bit of alcohol and suffice to say that you know, having a house party.
With an intimate number of friends doesn’t hit the mark for me for wanting to get up.
There and bust a move.
Wasn’t part of Andy sexy sluty?
Even when that, like even that, I was in a dancer, I’ve always gone to places seeking connection with people and that’s an important value to know, because if my self-esteem was low, that connection I would try to make would have been sexual.
So when I wasn’t feeling good about myself the way I wanted to feel good about myself as making connection with someone and for me at that time.
And that I valued to make me feel worthwhile was one where somebody found me physically attractive.
So it comes back to that, that connection.
But I don’t seek that now.
That’s a hard conversation to have with yourself and to keep putting top of mind then it’s harder than taking a test because.
Yeah it is.
It’s not just a simple case of tick and flick because you know we’re talking about the things that drive us and the things that are really important to us.
And it’s not rocket science.
It’s not difficult, but when you get an insight into the things that are important to you, understand why you’re making some decisions.
You know the decisions that you’re making.
There’s somebody a number of years ago.
We’re having conversation about values and they were saying that the partner would open up their mail.
They feel really affronted by that, and their partner would say to the money you why you being so secretive when you got to hide, but it wasn’t about secrecy was our privacy and was about that respect of personal space for them.
I feel like I’m in in my life.
I don’t know if it’s like every seven years or whatever it might be when I burn things to the ground and start again.
My in my cycle I I feel like I’ve read so many self help books and I’ve watched so many self help lectures and every time someone has you know what are your values.
Write it down.
Work it out.
Make sure your life is balanced, whatever it might be, and I’ve I’ve done it every time.
And I mean clearly nothing stuck, did it?
Because here we are again at the end of another cycle of burning it to the ground.
And I’m working out my values again and I’m not part of that is probably changing as a person over that time because the things I value as a 40 year old is entirely different than the things I valued as a 20 year old when I didn’t really know myself for.
Who I was.
I suppose some things do stay constant.
Yeah, I would say they.
Do and I think even 20 year old.
Louise would have.
Shared a significant amount of values with three year old Louise but 40 year old Louise I think is becoming more aware of them and also the impact of not actually listening to herself and what’s important to her.
Like when we go into work places for example, you know, do we speak up when somebody does something that grinds our gears or goes against our boundaries that we try to set?
Or do we let it slide until we get so angry that we actually have to burn it to?
The ground and.
Go somewhere else.
I know I’ve been guilty of the latter.
Not every job I’ve been in, but I’ve certainly been in.
Places where it’s felt so uncomfortable to actually say that I’m not happy with something that I just let things slide and the things slide and then went straight into a certain point step on a.
Wood sliding when it’s slim.
Once, once it has slid to a certain point, that’s when I start looking for work.
Yeah, it’s that compromising of your values.
Yourself like whether we are actively naming them or not.
They’re there whether or actively addressing them or not.
They’re there, right?
They’re actually already there as things that we value, whether we are prepared to recognize it or not, and those ones are probably the same 20 year old Louise valued as 40 year old Louise values.
It’s just 20 year old.
Louise didn’t have the audacity to name them and stand up for herself over them.
And we’re not taught to either.
You know, we’re not actually toward this kind of stuff, as we’re growing up.
How good would it have been to have been aware of values in your adolescence, and to actually know yourself enough to know what your values?
Were so you could make the right choices for yourself.
There’s so much that goes on at that stage of life with peer pressure and all that kind of stuff.
And I, I would say that goes well into your 20s, at least until we start to kind of form.
Really, some kind of idea of what’s OK and what’s not.
You know, we start to stop anyway.
All these patterns of trying to please others and pushing our own values down as a result.
Yeah, I think we’ve also been taught when we think about values. I think we get it mixed up with value. The value Tron 2000 right? Sounds a lot like those.
Quizzes that you would take in high school.
I think the aptitude tests or whatever they might.
To kind of.
What career you should have based on the skills and knowledge, the personality that you already have, and I think we are set up to see it’s it’s like hustle culture.
We’re set up to kind of monetize everything.
Everything that we do.
Has to have a value to someone else.
So the the fact that the words are so similar together confuses them as well, but if you were looking at an aptitude test you’ll values versus your value, I think easily get confused.
So we might think OK, well we we like being outdoors and we are are intelligent and we value smart conversations.
And creating things.
And so then we, instead of looking at what’s underneath that as our values, we go will that our value that we can offer and so place a price and a career around that?
In my experience, these values work differently for us in different contexts as well, but the whole site is an amazing thing.
OK, and one other.
We’ve joked about this.
Blurb that I’ve written.
At different points early on when we started putting looking change media together.
The what the what the vacuum, the existing.
Level vacuum no no.
So the whole thing about.
When I was about 10, that’s when I started getting really interested in audio, and that’s where I had my tape recorder and I would.
On record things in my bedroom and start to edit things and I had that OK so I had a period where I’d record thing shows TV theme shows so I’m going to have flaky and I don’t know why but the bit of a library of The thing is here that shows that I loved and I remember that I was recording the end credit music Petticoat Junction.
And every ******* time the voice over would come in to announce the next, the next show, right?
Nothing less than radio.
People talking over the radio or Petticoat Junction?
I I I know so anyway, I collected different samples of it over a period of time and.
What I ended up doing was splicing the other those different versions so that I had the full fame.
Without the voice, it would seem pretty kind of evident that that’s something that I really love doing, editing audio and recording audio and all that kind of stuff.
Why wouldn’t someone say to me at that point?
Hey, this is something that you look like you’re really enjoying.
Maybe you can have make.
Your living doing that.
Instead of saying OK, you’ve got to really focus on your maths and focus on mess and focus on that.
It doesn’t make sense like I’m not a parent.
I can’t speak on behalf of parenting, but it would be interesting to.
See if you.
Have a child around about you know between the ages of about 9:00 and 12:00, what sort of things they’re really into.
Because I’m kind of betting that that’s kind of where that’s the end point of where we lose our inhibitions.
You know we start to become really inhibited and self conscious, but as we enter adolescence but that period.
Just before we’re doing the stuff that we love.
And yet, the institutions that we placed in take that away from us and say, OK, well, it’s time to stop dreaming about that and start doing this.
I would have loved to have been an actor.
I’ve said that before.
You know I would have loved to have gone and develop some dramatic skills and that kind of stuff.
But you know, it would have been nice for me in high school to have.
Gone into that drama class and not feel judged as a loser.
So hence I never.
Did it, you know, music was always seen?
As the blood subject, they’re kind of stuff, but I love music and music is so important.
It would have been great for me to be able to have the confidence to say, actually, that’s really important to me and I love it.
And that’s something that I really want to kind of invest myself into and.
Yet we don’t.
Like the school system doesn’t encourage that, and it’s not until quite a bit later in life do we even start to.
Think about values if.
We ever do.
Some people never do.
I think the answer one of the answers to why is that not encouraged when you’re a 9 year old and you’re cutting up Petticoat Junction on your tape recorder is because there is a culture of creativity doesn’t pay.
And so if.
You do a job that is a creative job.
Then you’re never going to make any money.
Look, sometimes that statement is true because I think we do under value the arts as a society, even though it is so so important for humanity.
But it’s also not necessarily true, but I can see how parents and and well meaning adults, would they?
Concerned about setting you up for the future and to wanting to take care of you and protect you.
I I I can, I can see that, but I think there’s like this innate creativity in all of us that gets squashed around that age.
I think for a lot of people that kind of inner creativity that child likeness of exploration and cure.
Rotate and play.
It gets squashed.
Hey Dad, just wanted to say Gandhi breather from today’s episode and say thank you so much for listening to us.
Make sure you never miss an episode by hitting the follow button on your podcast app now.
And while you’re there would.
Love you to leave us a review.
It really does help to boost us so we can reach even more people and check out our Patreon page to see how you can access even more content at patreon.com forward slash.
Re frame of mind and remember to tell everyone you know about us.
The more people we get talking about mental health, the more supported.
Will all be.
I don’t know how to play anymore, I’m I’m certain of it and it’s it’s.
It’s not advice that’s come from a therapist.
By the way, this bit this.
Go give it away.
Go on, go on, but anyway, so I’ve seen many tarot readers overtime and almost all of them have given me the same kind of.
They keep telling me.
That you don’t have fun.
You don’t like to play you, you just need to like relax and go play.
I don’t know if I walk around like uptight with a sticker for bump.
And they’re reading my body language.
But you know, it’s it’s not that untrue I do.
I do have fun sometimes, but you know, I don’t.
I don’t not have fun.
I enjoy the things I do, but do I just wildly play?
I don’t know.
Probably not, probably not.
Yeah, yeah when’s?
The last time you go, be softly opportunity just to do something for the sake of having a bit of fun doing it, or just to kind of absorb yourself into it without any other outcome other than just to enjoy it.
That’s soft about the hobbies isn’t.
Oh, that’s right, yeah.
It coming actually.
But then it’s I don’t even know if I have like.
I mean you have hobbies and I think they’re great.
And I think I I.
Absolutely, genuinely think this is great that you do hobbies just for hobbies sake.
Oh man, I have.
I am so on the hobby train now like because you know when I was younger I’d say I want a hobby.
Wanna have you like no no it cost too much money or whatever you know I don’t know.
If it’s not in our cost.
Too much and you’ll give it up whatever ******* I love playing piano, there is something that I always wanted to do and I love it.
I love learning it.
I love playing it.
And you know, I love doing a pottery.
Sort of starting to take interest in other little things.
I’ve got an old garden down here that used to be my grandmothers and it’s looking really tatty.
So now I’m kind of looking at how I can restore that after I restored them early. Like all these things that suddenly I’m at 1:50.
I’m thinking well, why the hell can’t?
I do it.
Because if I’m able bodied and I’ve you know, I don’t have the skills, but I can learn this.
Guilds, why not?
Why not just absorb myself in the joy of doing that for the sake of doing it?
Let’s see, I’m I completely believe I can learn the skills for anything and everything.
I think yeah in myself assessment, I believe wholeheartedly in my ability to do things and and and learn things and pull things off creatively and that they would be great.
I don’t necessarily believe that they’ll be successful, but it doesn’t mean that they won’t be the best thing that you know you’ve ever heard or seen.
’cause I tend to master things.
But that’s your value.
That’s what that’s why you value value.
Mastering something I thought you’d be able to play something just for my own enjoyment.
You know I’ll never be a concert pianist, I’ll probably never be in a band, but the level of mastery for me is at this stage, with piano being able to pick up a simple piece of music and sight.
Read it and play it, whereas maybe like the way you view mastery is different and the outcome from that is different.
No, I’m I’m going to disagree.
I don’t, I don’t I.
OK, OK let’s you.
I don’t think that mastery of something is one of my values because it matters to me.
I think that mastery of something is a part of who I am, because it’s a way of proving my worthiness.
Honestly, I don’t.
You know, I love art and I was learning painting back in Darwin and started to get good at it and once it kind of flipped from this is a thing that I’m doing so this is a thing that I’m.
Good at because I mean, I’m going to sound like.
A bit of a ****** but.
I mean, I’m pretty ******* good at everything.
If you do say so yourself.
If I if I.
You should see her interpretation of.
Swarm like ladies and gentlemen.
Ha ha ha.
I mean, if I I genuinely apply myself in my knowledge and my hyperfocus onto something, then I do think I I’m pretty *******
Good at it.
Yeah Excel, yeah you you really put?
The energy and the.
Effort into it, yeah?
I know I just gotta take these tickets off because tickets.
All over me.
Tickets tickets please.
Did Madam, you seem to have holding your fair share of tickets there, but need to buy so?
Many which I’ve often wondered, seeing we’re going down this this this rabbit hole of the tickets.
I’ve actually wondered what if.
I’m like, uh, menzer person and I don’t know it because like on the IQ test, I just couldn’t be bothered doing the math questions ’cause they hurt.
My brain, so I just skip.
But I still got like 125.
Wow people in.
So what if like if I actually bothered to learn the math?
I was a ******* genius.
And where would that get me?
Still sitting here in my underwear recording a podcast with you.
Because that’s what you found, use.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ah OK, so put the.
Painting so I I I I don’t even know why I can’t remember why I picked up painting.
Maybe it’s a it’s a tangled web, right?
Like did I want to paint because it was something that I wasn’t good at and so I wanted to be good at it.
Because, you know, when I was in school like I never had the opportunity to do painting.
And here I was looking for something to do and I’m like, well I could do that if you say I can’t do that.
Then I’m gonna go out and I can do that.
And you know?
First few things worship, but it started to get better and you start to learn techniques and you start to look at light in the way that things kind of interact.
And then I can put like my film and TV background into it and look at the composition of things and.
Then just learn that.
Stuff blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
So I start to I’m enjoying it.
I’m doing it and then I start to get good at it and I think once I start to get good.
Got it, I have a choice to make because now it doesn’t feel fun anymore.
I can’t just paint for the sake of painting.
Now if I’m going to be good at it, then you know I’m going to put it places.
I’m going to put in the Darwin show.
You’re not going to be judged for it.
Maybe I can be a painter.
Maybe I can like this.
Is a future career option?
Maybe I can.
Have a side hustle and how at one point you don’t know this.
I was actually featured in a virtual art gallery.
Yeah, you know, like many things in my life, I never told anybody.
But now someone someone approached me about putting my work in a it’s it’s kind of before Google art was, you know, like Google do it now with art.
And now you can like click on the Louvre and you know you can see.
All the others.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
But someone was setting up a virtual gallery at the time anyway, so they they they they put my stuff in a virtual gallery, which I.
Didn’t tell anybody about ’cause.
You’re a crowd laser.
Your trailblazing artist.
You’re welcome, but then I I stopped.
I stopped painting because it wasn’t actually fun anymore because now it was a thing that I had to do because there was an expectation with it.
And I’ve recently started picking this kind of thing up again like we’ve been discussing digital art.
We, you know, I did the cover for re frame of mind.
I’m the I’m the head behind the purple head.
You know, I’ve been, you know, much as you shoot on my picture of you that I told people about in a previous episode that I did a cartoon of you and you.
Didn’t like it.
I’ve I’ve been no.
I’ve been playing with digital art instead, and do you know what same thing picked it up started to love it.
Really enjoyed doing.
Yeah, and now when I pick up my iPad and my little Apple Pencil and start to do it, it’s and I don’t want this to sound wrong because I do so many assets for us and I don’t want you to suddenly think that I don’t like it.
’cause I do enjoy doing it, but it’s become less about.
I can’t pick this up and do it as a hobby now just for something that I love to do.
I actually have to spend.
Hours on YouTube, mastering the skills and techniques of this so that I can make the best possible work for us so we can use.
Is this for our show for our business so we can, you know, use these skills so this thing that might have once been a hobby for me that I might have enjoyed has become something I’ve folded into the business.
You’ve monetized, you found a way to kind of go.
OK, well I don’t know.
Like if you weren’t using it for for the artwork that you do for our projects would you have?
Located that attitude or behavior in another way anyway, yeah.
Yeah, I would have absolutely 100% in the same way I’ve done it with other things in my life.
You know I can’t just write something without going OK?
Well, how can I use this content somewhere?
I can’t just make content for social media, just to show people what I’m up to.
I’ve got to think about a strategy to grow.
I can’t make a podcast.
That’s just a podcast we had to make the most ******* epic podcast that’s ever ******* existed. That’s two hours long. Interviews 31.
Current talent breaks it up into 42 episodes and has a skit at the front of every second ******* episode that has as much production time put into that as an entire ******* episode.
Yeah, yeah yeah, it’s a lot of work.
It is lot.
Of work you know?
What scared me?
At one point was the social media strategy like the whole calendar was like.
Yeah, Oh my God.
Because I make this job, I I make this joke and you know this joke where I just say I’m just a radio announcer doing this thing.
But like I’ve never been just a radio announcer doing this thing even when I was just a radio announcer.
I was a music director and I was a writer and I was, you know, learning stuff on social media and the back end stuff.
And I was helping build.
Websites and I was running a newsroom and I’ve never been just this one thing.
I don’t think.
Anybody ever is?
It’s not my makeup.
But I don’t think that’s a value.
I think that.
Might be a character flaw.
I don’t know even floor, I think is a bit harsh.
I think it’s it’s a.
Trait, I think it’s a personality traits, and I think that you know there’s value in being able to use it to your advantage, but where it becomes uncomfortable is when it starts to take over and you don’t have control of that trading more.
Yeah, so when I talk about being curious, I mean I I sometimes just light up at stuff I can feel how important it is for me.
It starts to control you.
Need to know this thing to learn about this thing to ask these questions like I can.
Just you’ve heard me sometimes talk about things when I’m explaining to you this thing that I’ve learned about.
And it’s like this is the.
Most important thing best thing.
Ever, and I’m so filled with this joy at this curiosity.
You know, I think that part of it.
Is a value.
But I perhaps don’t set the best.
Boundary, because then that curiosity suddenly becomes well, actually Louise has a lot of knowledge about a lot of things because she is a curious person and that knowledge.
I I I don’t even know the way to say it except that maybe in this conversation about where we look at our values, we need to set boundaries on that, because sometimes the values like curiosity, which would be true because it does fill me with joy doesn’t sometimes as well.
Yeah, I think there’s something going on there other than the values themselves.
’cause there are the things I think you find important, but then there’s something else I’m not a psychologist.
I can’t really say.
And a tarot reader?
But you know?
Either that’s where.
So I’m not a terrorizer.
I’m getting some information from apparently.
Yeah, but you know, like.
I I think there are things that are important to us.
There are those baseline things that we hold as important or valuable to us.
Things that we value and then somehow other things inside the vacuum that doesn’t exist come in and say.
Oh, but what about this?
What about that?
Do something else?
I mean, we get this blurred unfiltered.
Well, our filters start to kind of get jammed up with all this other stuff and then suddenly the thing that we were doing because it really kind of sung to our values.
Becomes a chore because we’ve actually lost touch with with while we were doing it in the 1st place, so you may have started painting because he actually had a curiosity and a desire to to try that as a creative art, but that other stuff crept in and said, OK, well now you do it, you can perfect it and they’ve affected it.
You can go and actually put in a.
Show you can do this.
You make money from now on.
You can do this.
So like there’s other stuff going on, but that’s now kind of ’cause you were saying you know, like you didn’t want me to think that you didn’t enjoy doing.
You still enjoy doing it.
But the stuff that you don’t enjoy is the other stuff that you’re telling yourself you need to do with it.
That will be $200 please.
Can I get a Medicare rebate for that?
Second, sure yeah yeah no.
I mean, I I clearly don’t have good boundaries and setting these things for myself between my value.
Yeah, it’s an interesting balance.
It’s an interesting conversation, you know.
Andrew Griffiths is walking around with his values in his wallet and his running.
All of his choices.
By those as a filter, and I think that is a, uh, a brilliant idea and something that I want.
To do as well.
Maybe that keeping that in front of him.
Maybe that filter is constantly checking in.
Is this still curiosity?
Or does this now feel like struggle?
Yeah, these quizzes that any pointed us to and the Kimberly Pointer is too.
They’re actually really good tools to kind of start to get an idea of where values see it.
It’s really kind of a great starting point to say, OK?
Well, if I’m doing XY and Z but it’s not meeting my values ’cause these are the things that are important to me.
If I’m doing this and having the opposite effects in my experience, then why we’re doing those things?
So maybe what we should do is reveal some of the results from the tests that we talk because we took them honestly and let the the value Tron 2000 in the form of these other other ones rancors and then maybe discuss afterwards how that fits in terms of.
Of a life that doesn’t exist in a vacuum, so let’s start with the easy homework first.
And he told us to think about our 85th birthday and two of your favorite people talk about you. What would they say? You’ve not long turned 50 so you’re almost there. This should be really easy.
Thanks for that.
Burn man, so at my 85th birthday I suppose I can expect.
I have my 75 year old friend Louise telling me to.
Make sure I.
Jam, whatever good stuff I can in because.
No, seriously, what do you want them to say?
I suppose when it comes down to what I’d like them to say is that I’m a good, reliable friend who’s there.
For them you.
Know someone who is strong and independent?
Fun to be around, generous and is curious as the dynamic me always he’s.
Back how you?
Ohh, I’d like them to say I still don’t look a day over 20.
We’ll get more high.
For looking so much younger like I did last week.
Uhm, generally go to high five when she found that I was 40 ish that was in my 20s.
I mean yeah me yeah no.
I know, yeah, when was the last time your ID checked?
Maybe she needed to put glasses on.
But seriously, I I’d love for them to acknowledge that I’m a a joyful person and I can find the fun in life even though I don’t know if I can necessarily do that now. At 40. Maybe I’ll have that sorted in the next 25.
But I I would love that I would love to be someone that was seen as a a joy seeker or someone who’s seen as curious ’cause I’m always looking to learn and find out unique things about people and places and things and how the world and the universe sticks.
All of that.
I think you know there are elements of that within yourself that you don’t see in yourself, but I think that’s really what’s at the core review, because where else would you spend 20 years in radio if you weren’t interested in people and what they’re doing and that kind of stuff so?
What not for the free movie tickets?
The other challenge.
I mean, it was a lot of shifts.
It’s free movie tickets, I’d say I.
Could have just bought them.
Yeah, that’s right.
Yeah, exactly the other challenge that any gave us was to find a couple of tests about core values that Annie and Kimberly were talking about and in tanking for ourselves.
Ah, I test test.
Like about my Calum values, Tron 2000.
Does not compute.
You can find them as well, because we’ve left a link to them in the show notes.
And I suppose it’s important also just to preface this by saying none of these people are paying is to say these things, and these are genuinely what we found useful in these reports that we kind of came across after the conversation with the many and Kimberly so.
So onward to the quizzes.
It we love a quiz that episode overcoming our impostor syndrome.
We took the Impostor syndrome quiz.
Live in the show.
If you also love a quick.
This one is a little different though, because we took a lot of quizzes to understand values and some of them were very, very comprehensive, so we’re not going to put you through that.
We’re just going to tell.
You the results, of course we will be it took.
Could here for hours ’cause some of them.
Were really long, but there’s soul in states.
Us hours I think we’ve wasted a whole day or not wasted.
I think we.
Now what do you want?
I think we said we had to.
Spend a whole day.
Research and quizzes on the Internet.
Earlier in the business to work this out.
Yeah we did.
Yeah, and you know what?
I wouldn’t trade that time we spent for anything, because this taught us so much about ourselves and each other.
So there’s one from a place called Taylor Protocols that I found interesting.
It’s not only because we ended up having the same two leading values in reverse to each other, but the insights it gave me about myself ring true when I thought about my experience in that last team that I lead.
Is that last?
Job I had all that time ago.
All back at the bank.
Got that feels like 2020.
I know it does and I was.
So according to this particular quiz, wisdom is my leading attribute, which means I like to assist everything about a situation, then evaluate my own relationship to that and help others do the same.
So even somewhere that doesn’t offer the opportunity for me to do that, I feel like.
I’m suffocating, yeah, I thought was interesting with that one, actually, because we did end up being the reverse.
Of each other, so they gave me the type of merchant innovator.
But you were innovator merchants.
Yeah, so where you came from?
A primary place of wisdom and then love mine came from love and then we.
And in the explanation of that, it said who you are at your deepest level.
Our human nature is the most important element for each of us, which makes complete sense because we’re both making this series.
Pull up again.
Of wisdom and love.
I I was almost like we compliment each other.
Or love and wisdom.
Will you compliment me and I take occasional ships on you in the form of this?
So there was another one that we did, which I found really cool, which was the Barrett Institute, one which the link is also in the show notes.
If you’d like to have a look for yourself and this analyzed the strength of certain value areas for us rather than specifying what our.
Core values are so they sent a detailed PDF.
For free with that one.
From the Barrett Institute.
Had detailed the seven levels.
Of consciousness model and suggested they’re actually a shorthand way of describing our motivations, so the seven levels are service making a difference.
Internal cohesion, transformation, self esteem, relationship, and survival.
Yeah, and interestingly, we both scored pretty similar results.
Here as well.
Except apparently I didn’t.
Have any physical or survival needs?
It’s little fence.
My values according to the Barrett Institute report are you seek to expand your knowledge and insights and are willing to reflect on your inner development.
Being successful in your endeavors is important to you.
That comes down to that thing you’re saying about how you like.
No need to master everything anyway.
That’s really interesting going on.
In your pursuits you always strive to be at.
The top of your game.
You are able to think imaginatively and use your skills to produce new ideas.
Yeah, strong moral standards guide your life in your.
You have a fun loving approach to life and enjoy sharing good times you can see.
We’re getting to the bottom of the list here.
They also would like something somebody should say your 85th birthday ’cause?
I’ve got to grow into it like when you bite flows that are too big.
Yeah yeah, yeah.
You appreciate the freedom of autonomy and not being reliant on others.
I probably should.
Have been higher for me to be honest, I’m a bit of an independent fiance.
I see nothing.
I say nothing.
You strive to show consideration to others and want to feel the same courtesy as extended to you.
Of course, I do beach.
You seek holistic balance by striving to maintain harmony in all aspects of your life.
Well, that’s very nice interview.
Thank you, it’s wise down the bottom.
Was out my physical development at all.
Is it the one needing most work?
Do you feel?
Roads later OK, so let’s have a look at mine.
So mine says for me you seek to expand your knowledge and insight and are willing to reflect on your inner developments.
Is it no surprise that we both got that at the top and we’re doing this?
I know hey yeah, I feel like I’m kind of entering like the voice over of an astrology.
Yeah, no, we definitely should do.
Really here, but anyway.
You want to bring out the tarot cards for one later as well?
Why not you show a strong sense of caring and feel empathy for others.
I always missing that too.
Yeah, so the next one says that what’s important to me is ensuring that people have treated justly and that everyone has the same opportunities remaining in.
Control of your.
Finances and ensuring that you are not overstretched.
This is why Andy looks after our books.
Yeah, I think that’s a big one for me.
Yes, how many times have I said no to purchasing something?
I know and you’re such a spoilsport.
And I’m sorry.
But, well, you know I’d rather see us thrive, then dive, put that in a in a graphic and share it.
#thrive or dive.
Having meaningful close relationships with others is important in your.
That comes back to what I did at New Year, so I mean like I can’t just sort of gone or.
Dance floor and goebl
I’ve got to actually have conversations with people.
You appreciate the freedom of autonomy and not being reliant on others.
You remain calm in times of frustration and are willing to wait.
The things to come to fruition.
I will challenge.
That slightly because I do notice your eyes roll occasionally.
On the zoom.
Calls with me so you may remain calm in times of frustration, but you’re you know micro.
Aggressions are there.
But I do.
Like to provide like a calm outside exterior and thank you for calling on my eye rolls.
Yeah, the X makes the.
Exterior is definitely calm.
The interior is.
And that children is why we hate soon.
Can’t see my eye roll on a podcast.
We both scored really.
High on letting go of fear and courage, let go, and differently in other areas which would explain some of the developments we’ve had along.
The way making this series.
The third quiz that we did on the day where we were extensively researching values based quizzes.
This one was called the Core Values Questionnaire. It was based on 58 core values from an author called Russell Harris Book called.
The happiness trap.
Yeah, this was great.
Really, this is a really comprehensive 1.
Yeah yeah yeah, this took a bit of time to get through all these questions it around almost like 300 questions.
I think he is and.
Yeah, it was definitely worth going through it.
Then they asked the same question in.
A different way to kind of trick.
But like to see, I suppose.
If you not, you not.
That’s why it’s conference.
Search for Cuba.
It would double check your values.
Well, we’ve found values work in valiance processing work.
There are methods to actually compare, like the weight or the importance of values that you hold.
So if you.
Say if you named three values, for example of happiness, security and money, would you choose between happiness and security if you add too so it’s a security OK, would you choose?
Between security and money.
So you know they go on security, so therefore then you go OK.
So would it be happiness and money or money?
So it was there like going to a values optometrist.
Yeah, kind of adjusting the lens is little bit by little bit.
Would you know we’d like to see or talk to him?
I would is it like a like a listicle?
I thought you might.
It’s in steady.
Just as an.
Aside before I.
I think it might be quite pertinent to our earlier conversation where I declared that I am the best at everything.
To note that actually it gives you a list of, I think it gives you your 50 values in order.
Sure it’s not.
That those things aren’t important to you, it just means that you know they’re they’re less important.
Then let’s sync.
She compared to the other things, yeah.
Yeah, and and at the bottom of my list and the the the last two values were.
Humility and patience.
And still I rose from my side.
So my top.
10 I’m going to count this down like an old Dave Letterman top five list, and at #10 and number return was self development to keep growing, advancing or improving in knowledge, skills, character or life experience. I’m happy with that. Number nine was connection to engage fully and whatever I’m doing.
Except it will be look like.
And be fully present with others 8 with mindfulness.
To be conscious of, open to.
And curious about my here and now experience.
I sound like a very.
Well, do who is this woman?
She’s from me.
I wanted to.
Be when I filled out these values.
#7 is creativity to be creative or innovative. Six was self aware to be aware of my.
Own thoughts, feelings and.
Actions God I’ve struggled with that for 40.
Years five was self care.
To look after my health and well being.
And get my.
Needs met followers.
Curiosity which we we spoke about before curiosity to be curious, open minded and interested.
Explore and discover ’cause that one really lights me up.
Actually, honesty was number 3 to be honest, truthful and sincere with myself and others.
I always thought that I just enjoyed being honest with people because I had a ship memory and couldn’t remember my lies.
Take whatever you can.
It’s always just been easier than inventing stories is just to actually tell the truth.
I can’t remember what my leiser.
It’s a tangled web we weave.
I looked at anyone string.
Two was freedom to live freely.
To choose how I live and behave and to help others do likewise.
And I I really like this list.
I mean all the all the cruise we did were good.
This is my favorite ’cause I really feel like these ten values really hit.
On who I am at the core and the number one was authenticity to a big, authentic, genuine real to be true to myself.
And if I wasn’t living those ten values before we started re frame of mind, then I certainly am now.
And also that really shows some short then when this quiz was done.
What was really important to you and what you actually have chosen to work on and.
Never have guessed that you’re impatient, though.
Excuse me, what was it?
Not that there’s things at the bottom, but if you if you failed those last two values were.
Now bottom 2 hour conformity and equality.
So who do you not want to?
Be equal for.
Them, I don’t know why I’m still trying to work that out, so it’s in bad light.
Conformity, I understand.
So remember, like it doesn’t mean these things aren’t important.
No, I’m I took.
To us but.
The summertime against equality.
It’s just that I kind of probably don’t feel like that.
I’m that unequal be treated at the moment, I guess.
Or at the.
Moment I did this so it wasn’t a burning thing in my mind to go.
It’s really important to me I.
Need a quality?
To be fair though.
I kind of feel.
We we did this back when we were storyboarding the show, so we hadn’t actually screamed **** the patriarchy.
And as many episodes as we had then.
No, that’s true, that’s true.
So you know, it might come out differently now.
I mean, we’ve even started screaming from the matriarchy so.
You know it’s true.
I mean when you say that out loud, it’s not, you know.
Hopefully that’s not the grab that gets picked up by some newspapers somewhere.
FCK the matriarch.
But you know?
******* Yockey really yeah, the oligarchy the monarchy.
Let’s just make the clarifying statement that you we only said fact the matriarchy because equality means equality.
I thought it means no group.
Or person in power over other people.
It doesn’t mean it.
Doesn’t need to be in the balance in any other direction.
It means making balance so anyway.
What were your top 10?
Why top ten?
OK, so to say, the quality isn’t important to me, is clearly untrue.
Service stablish, but it’s not where my energies why right now, or when I took this quiz.
Yes, yes it is.
So what came out of my top ten and I’ll do the countdown.
Like it is, right?
Thank you yeah.
All right, just to keep it consistent.
Humility to be humble and modest.
To let my achievements speak for themselves.
I’m glad because someone had to.
Have it and it wasn’t me.
Also, I think there has got me into hot water over the years in my career because I do that and I’m not a self promoter and I see people sometimes there’s self promoters getting opportunities that I don’t because I like to let my work speak for itself.
And sometimes you want to speak for it.
You know, sometimes you want to say oh boy, actually this is good.
Look at this anyway, #9.
Since you wanted to create.
Explore and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses, yeah.
What about the 6th sense that?
You use for your tarot.
All the time.
Love it well, greedy will stick with the five for now.
Yeah, just the five is fine, Yep.
Thank you very much sexuality to explore or express my sexuality.
Are we getting back into Andy sexy times?
I think this is the return the return of any sexy sluty times and interesting that you got that at #8 on your list.
Oh my God, good grief.
When, like, I’m pretty sure we we dedicated like half an episode to Louise working out sexuality earlier in the series and it didn’t even register in my top 10.
I know, right?
You’ve rubbed off on me.
#7 beauty to appreciate, create, nurture or cultivate beauty in myself, others, the environment etc.
I see actually.
Really see that as being valid for you because you know.
You like to.
Potter around the garden and I love.
It and and and I.
I don’t have the humility or patience for that.
You know what?
Why, why ideal gardening?
Experience is not one of.
Someone say hey do this how you do that?
He did this.
Do that and prune.
That one is actually going out into the garden for a few hours and just kind of going.
Oh, might just do a bit of that here.
I’ll do a bit of that fair.
And you know.
I get called an old lady frequently.
For being that way, but.
That it’s actually how I get to.
Ride Joy out of my garden now regarding the experience so.
That’s because beauty to appreciate and create and nurture is important to you, yeah?
Exactly, it is. Thank you #6 gratitude, Speaking of thank you to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others and life.
I’m beginning to think that I sound shallow compared to your values.
You sound well.
More balances out with the sexy times, but.
Yeah, that is true, yeah?
#5 acceptance to be open to and accepting of myself. Others life at Sarah. I think I’m running some of these words entirely.
That also explains this podcast.
Trouble when I’m saying these, obviously because said should have read acceptance to be open to accepting of myself, others, life, etc.
You know a guy there like that so.
Good so good #4.
Curiosity to be curious, open minded and interested to explore and discover.
And I’d say, actually, I’ve I’ve become a lot more in touch with that over recent years.
You know, when I was growing up, I was very curious.
I was very observant.
I still AM.
But I got told that I was being a stickybeak or nuisance or whatever, so I I kind of stopped doing it so much.
But G things are interesting.
Things are interesting.
#3 for me is creatively so to be creative or innovative #2.
Who is pleasure to create and give pleasure to myself or others?
It is an desexing slowly fly.
Well, you know why not?
Authenticity to be authentic, genuine, real and to be true to myself.
So there you go like we scored the same top value.
Everything else underneath is a dogs breakfast compared to each other.
No no no no we both. We both had curiosity at #4, which I.
I think so I.
Think actually some.
Of our core values are really in alignment with each other, and that is probably why we get along so well and also complement each other in business and in podcast.
Yeah, we get each other.
You know, like oh, that’s probably a happy accident in a lot of.
Ways, but now it.
Makes sense why we do so.
Clearly I’m having a very nice time at the moment.
I really enjoyed this one this quiz I like.
I know it took us a lot longer.
I’ve really enjoyed this.
So I mean do them all.
But really do this one.
Which was the was the happiness?
The happiness trap.
Looking at the depth of that went to and then what we got out of it and the understanding we got about ourselves and also consequently about each other because we shared.
With each other.
And these things aren’t scary to share this.
Just saying hey, this is kind of what floats my boat at the moment.
This is what I need.
And the thing I did after this as well, I don’t know if you know that I did.
This is because they they.
Do as little text file.
They don’t even use a PDF on the Happiness website.
I actually saved it to the desktop of my computer under under values and so I am kinda Andrew Griffith sing it.
And I’m actually opening it up occasionally and reminding myself, particularly of those top three authenticity, freedom and honesty.
And I actually curiosity.
As well, I would actually say those top four.
They really do hit on things, so I have been running a lot of things through that test.
Like if things have been feeling uncomfortable for me when I’ve been having a conversation with people, I’ve been going.
Am I being honest and we’re being authentic?
Like I don’t want to be inauthentic anymore.
No, it is important for everybody.
In the equation could be authentic.
Yes, but I’ve I’ve have found myself since we did this values quiz and because we did do this in the storyboarding part of re frame of mind.
So after we spoke to the guest but before we started recording these episodes and we are recording these episodes kind of in real time.
So we might have recorded the interviews last year, but the content in the episodes is being recorded.
Pretty close to the release date I.
I have made a much more conscious effort to run things through the authenticity filter.
Laundry there’s, uh like challenge here, sometimes to think, OK?
You’ve already want.
To be authentic, I need to actually say.
That sort of.
Sometimes because my conditioned response I’m not even going to call it my gut response because it’s something that I’ve learned because of life experiences or whatever else but my conditioned response has been too.
Sit back and not say the thing.
I get that.
But then that’s not authentic, because maybe I really want to say the thing.
And then what happens?
We need outside the thing for long enough.
It eats you away when you harm yourself.
You harm your soul when you don’t say the thing and it doesn’t even have to be a big thing.
It doesn’t have to be.
Uh, you know life shattering.
Revelation, but it’s even something as simple as setting healthy boundaries.
If you are being authentic about your values and being true to yourself, then it comes to having uncomfortable conversations.
Sometimes like saying this thing you do makes me feel uncomfortable and doesn’t line up with my values.
Can we find?
Doesn’t have to be an awkward conversation either.
And or main doesn’t have to be.
I think you know.
Cruel or mean or anything.
Not at all, no.
Because the sooner we actually say it and we can actually be honest for ourselves and for the other people involved then.
The sooner we can find a way to not make it happen like that anymore and actually for it to be better.
But if we let it chip away and chip away, you know and.
How we’re feeling.
It’s the stuff that kind of ends up with people looking for a new job because they don’t really feel like they can say something without being angry anymore.
Or you know, people look for new relationships.
Or or whatever you know, like you said, it doesn’t have to be huge stuff that happens, but that’s the kind of build up effect that it can.
Have in the end on.
That if we don’t pay attention to our values and we ignore them and suppress them, that can lead to some quite serious mental health problems, you know.
But we’re in the business here of.
Wanting to talk about our mental health and wanting to keep ourselves in a good place mentally, I think it’s really important to also know where your values are and also to be able to take the courage to actually spend someone.
Actually, no, I don’t know.
I don’t really like that.
That’s a big thing that’s come out of doing this.
List it being sure on your values has kind of given me the.
I suppose the backup.
Of being able to go no.
I don’t really value that and.
Find the value that.
But it’s not my bag.
Babe smooth yeah see ya.
It’s not my bag babe.
I mean, I’m not saying that Andrew Griffith made me break.
Up with my last partner, but I’m.
Not not saying that either.
Just to be clear, Louise has not left her ex partner for Andrew Griffiths.
No no no, because when you run strings OK so when you do your values and.
When you run things through.
This list of what’s important and when what’s important to me in the top three is authenticity, freedom and honesty.
Then if you’re going to run everything you do through those values, then you need to look at some things that maybe you weren’t ready to look at before.
Am I being true to myself?
Am I being honest?
And sincere with myself and others.
And am I actually living freely and choosing how I live and behave?
And so for me.
Similarly, you know authenticity is one that would be really good for me to kind of look at in my everyday interactions with people when I’m entering things or negotiating boundaries or anything like that.
Am I saying yes just a few the piece?
Or am I saying yes because I authentically accept that my number two and three values you know is what I’m agreeing to?
Allowing me to create that pleasure for myself involves is it affording you the opportunity to be creative or innovative?
Those things are pretty strong values for me really, because she doesn’t like to have pleasure.
Yeah, we joke about Andy sexy times and all that kind of stuff.
But I take great pleasure in playing the piano.
Like I’ve said earlier, yeah, I take great pleasure in my garden.
I take great pleasure every morning sitting down on my front porch with my journal looking at my garden while I journal.
They’re there things that really kind of helped me to feel like I value myself.
I’m giving myself that time because we do need to value.
This is where it all comes down to as well.
If we don’t value ourselves.
Loves to actually say what we need and look after ourselves.
Nobody trying to look for us.
No, no one is going to do it for us.
So back to my non man, Andrew Griffiths as we.
It’s like I mean, I really did phrase that terribly.
I I didn’t.
Mean that our conversation with Andrew Griffiths caused me to.
End the relationship I just made.
He’ll be really pleased to know that.
That it it.
It caused me to think about some things.
The eve reinforced for us why it’s so important to be intimate with our values.
We’ve really gotta be able to benchmark ourselves and go, well, OK, so how do?
We know that what?
We’re doing is better than others.
How do we know that our level of service is better, our products etc.
Many many years ago, one of the few times in my life when I’ve had an actual real job, I was selling cruisers on the Great Barrier Reef.
And there were three of us in this space, and the first thing that I had to do when I started that job was I went out on our cruise ships.
Then I went out on the two competitors cruise ships and it soon became very clear that we were not the best and it soon became very clear who was the best and that’s why they charged the most.
We were the cheapest and actually.
That was kind of right because to be.
Honest we were pretty crap.
At what we did, you know?
And if we try to sell ourselves as a Rolls Royce that cruises on the Great Barrier Reef it.
Wouldn’t work because.
We weren’t, but it was really interesting and I think about that experience often because it really did show me.
Why were these guys are best?
Because everything I did worked, they went to a great part of their reef.
Their boats were better now boats.
Their crew were better than our crew.
Their lunch was vetted.
Now lakes there toilets were cleaning their toilets.
They’ve coaches were not.
They did everything well, which meant they could charge an extra 30% on that, and so the answer to the question.
There is when the demon kind of raise its head, that impostor syndrome.
One we’ve got to look back at history.
What are people telling us?
We’ve got to do some market research.
So, well, if we’re going to make this claim that we’re the best, how are we actually the best?
How do I know?
You know you’ve got a little bit of research on that and you gotta make sure that you’re really, really deeply engaged with your clients customers, whatever they might be to make sure that you’re getting this really constant feedback, not about Oh my God, you’re awesome, but you’re delivering.
What they need?
You know you’re delivering value.
You’re staying relevant with.
OK, so homework, we’re going to send you some homework.
Oh, you’re tough.
Any Harvey passed it on?
She said us some homeworks and now?
We’re sitting your.
Homework yeah Danny.
The attendings fault.
Default, yeah, absolutely.
First, subscribe to our page on whatever social media platform you like the best, like.
You have to grab Facebook Tik T.O.K.
Twitter, they’re all that re frame of mind.
And then check out the length and we’ve lifted our shadow to let us know what you discovered about your values.
That’s the homework.
Love to hear it, yeah.
Do the through.
The quiz tell us what you got.
We won’t tell anybody else unless you really want us to tell somebody else, but we love seeing that feedback.
Mind you, if you tell us in the.
Tool feed or in the Facebook.
Feed your basically telling everybody but you know what it’s your values and you should be happy to kind of know where your values are anyway.
Yeah, we’re telling.
Especially of sexy sluty.
Sometimes it’s at the.
Top, that’s it.
That’s the homework.
Easy, easy peasy.
So in our journey Andy back to us all.
Yes, told us.
So those humility.
The mass viral loss.
Ha ha ha.
In this story, I think that we’re starting to feel our wings spreading a little bit.
Now as we start to bounce back from those traumas that we started this adventure with in episode one.
Yeah, I think you know.
20 episodes ago when we started, we kind of didn’t really have such a clear sense of what was important to us, but now we do, and we know what we want to create.
And you know, I guess the question now.
For us is.
Like coming out of that training room analogy earlier.
Like you know, how do we now knowing what we know, face off against the risks that pop up along the way?
That might jeopardize us getting to where we want to.
Get to because we don’t live in a vacuum.
I I, I think that we iril we.
That was my vacuum.
No, that we’re really creating something outside the norm and not just with re frame of mind, but also with re frame of mine ’cause I don’t.
Know of any other podcasts that exist quite like this but also with the broader business that we’ve been working on?
Welcome change media.
I mean our mission is to be a independent publishing.
Voice to help amplify other people.
Stories of diversity inclusion the stories that need to be told.
The ones that can.
All the stuff that you don’t hear what people starting to label in a derogatory fashion is mainstream media.
You know, we want to include all those voices and be a part of the solution rather than keep people down.
And make content that aligns with our values.
You know that we’ve discovered here and.
Hopefully, along with other people as well you.
Know of course, already we’ve come up against the old.
And how do you make money from that?
You know we’re talking to people closest to us.
You know the people that you’d kind of expect to be most supportive, and I wouldn’t say that they’re necessarily unsupportive.
It’s just that they don’t cut is see.
Our vision, so you know, there’s the question for us amongst this is how do we get out there and sell something that people can’t see our vision for?
And is the risk to great it lines up completely with our values?
No absolute perfectly.
Starting a business from nothing with nothing with a product that people can’t see, it’s a risk.
It’s a financial and personal risk, so we need to talk to someone an expert.
I’d say about risks.
Brenda Yelovich is a New Zealand explorer who had only 19 years old, walked the entire perimeter of both islands of New Zealand.
On his iron in the wilderness.
And so finds I’m totally so, you know, he’s well accustomed to taking risks and also reaping some pretty cool rewards.
So next time on re frame of mind we’ll talk to Brando about his journey and how he sets out to achieve what others think is impossible.
I just thought you know why not.
Why not just go and do something that everyone else thinks is impossible just because I can, because I want to?
I had a lot to prove not to anyone else other than myself, but I wanted to prove to me that I was capable of achieving absolutely anything that I put my mind to.
You’ve been hearing our story and.
Now we really want.
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