How to let go of expectations from others

When someone asks you how you are, do you tell them? Do they even want to know? 


Probably not.  


It’s just one part of life’s game of expectations and we keep playing along. 


Our worth is often derived by the people and stuff around us. And we think that we are worthless if we don’t offer other people value. 


But what would happen if we chose to let go of playing by the expectations set by someone (or something) else and stopped measuring our value by their perception of what we can offer them? 


It’s more than one person’s opinion. It’s systemic and built into the fabric of society. Our self-worth is linked to our value. And when we tie our value to money, possessions, careers, relationships etc. That becomes our compass for success and decision making. Even as kids, we were taught, and then teach our own, that we need to make choices that will get us a good career and income and set us up for the future. And we learn, and continue, the pattern of making decisions to please others while ignoring our emotions and needs. 


But we can break that pattern. We can make choices in accordance with our own values. 


In this episode of Reframe of Mind, Louise and Andy share their personal experiences with letting go of other people’s expectations and learning to make decisions in accordance with their own personal values; and discuss the concept of reframing our thoughts to better support our self-worth.  


They also look at the ‘human durability’ model with more from Derrick McManus, founder of the Australian Centre for Human Durability, speak to motivational speaker Chris Helder, about his ‘Useful Belief’ philosophy, and how he was able to apply the technique to reframing his own loss of gigs at the start of the pandemic; and to mindfulness coach and ‘Still Effect’ author Annie Harvey to get her practical tips on how to reframe our thoughts around situations that are out of our practical control. 

Episode Transcript available at

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Reframe Of Mind is an Australian podcast series where we explore mental health topics with commentary from scientific and psychological researchers and practitioners, with people whose lived experience supports the research, and applying their learnings to our own lived experience.

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